Friday, December 02, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Amazon took in 31% of the online spending over the Cyber Weekend. The other 69% went to telemarketers, international lottery scams and Nigerian princes.

Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim says Americans should be more worried  than Mexicans about Donald Trump. Which is pretty stern coming from a billionaire who because of the devaluation of the peso made his statements from behind the wheel of the taxi he is now driving.

A Londoner became the first person in the world to have a takeout food order delivered by a robot. Which is not to be confused with the person who thought they were the first after stumbling onto some leftovers they found inside a trash can.

A Londoner became the first person in the world to have a takeout food order delivered by a robot. Which is amazing to think in this day and age of digital progress it took this long to rig up a remote control ShopVac that has a GPS.

A Londoner became the first person in the world to have a takeout food order delivered by a robot. The really amazing part was programming the drone that had to drop the robot off at the right house.

A Rhode Island man crashed his car while live streaming as he was driving 114 miles an hour. The video received 350 likes, mostly from the team of prosecuting attorneys.

An Oregon man posed for a mug shot with his pet parrot on his shoulder. Apparently he completely overreacted to being charged with Internet piracy.

An Oregon man posed for a mug shot with his pet parrot on his shoulder. While the man isn’t talking, his accomplice is reportedly singing like a canary.

A report says at least a fifth of the 2,500 stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame are in disrepair. What’s worse is that the same thing can be said for about three quarters of the people who have been honored.

A study says that women who have more sex have better memories. Mostly of the times when their husband didn’t fall asleep right after having sex.

 A study says that women who have more sex have better memories. Mostly remembering that they left their husbands after catching them having more sex with other people.

Psychologists say men spend so much time looking at Internet porn they have forgotten how to please real women. To which most of their wives say the way to please them is to keep looking at online porn and not bothering them for sex.

Astronaut Buzz Aldrin was medically evacuated from the South Pole after becoming ill. Apparently he was on a trip to the Antarctic because when he was on the Moon he was there with Neil Armstrong and was looking for somewhere less crowded.

Astronaut Buzz Aldrin was medically evacuated from the South Pole after becoming ill. At 86 years old, he was looking for a place to eat where the temperature was even lower than they keep it at all the restaurants in Florida.

Astronaut Buzz Aldrin was medically evacuated from the South Pole after becoming ill with fluid in his lungs. Apparently no one had any idea that an 86 year old going to Antarctica might somehow develop a case of pneumonia.

Two Utah parents disarmed their son who brought guns to his school, shooting a round into the ceiling. Apparently it took them a while to realize that something was wrong when he went through his morning checklist of “books, lunch, ammunition…”

Prince Harry announced a scholarship to be trained in hospitality at Buckingham Palace. The only problem is explaining to applicants that when they get fired for spilling tea on the Queen, it’s tough to get another job without a head.

Prince Harry announced a scholarship to be trained in hospitality at Buckingham Palace. Which is great for anyone looking for a career as an 18th century domestic servant.

82 major cities are meeting this week to come up with ways to limit the worst effects of climate change. The most popular plan is to give all their residents free swimming lessons.

Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe says the Clintons are done with politics. Which is kind of sad to see the once powerful couple relegated to simply making speeches to Wall Street executives for $250,000 a pop.

A report says auto sales surged after the election. Mostly from people who wanted to buy their new car before Donald Trump brings all the jobs back to the U.S. and without the cheap Mexican labor the sticker prices quadruple.

Dollar General reported a surprising drop in sales. The sad part is that it’s mostly a result of people needing a little more time to save up enough dollar bills before they go out to do all their Christmas shopping.

Michael Bloomberg says he is optimistic at the start of a climate change summit. Although the last thing the people running the summit who are warning of the dangers of global warming want is someone with a sunny disposition.

Michael Bloomberg says he is optimistic at the start of a climate change summit. Mostly because as a billionaire he has no reason to be pessimistic about anything.

Barrow, Alaska at the northernmost point of the state now has a new name, Utqiagvik. Which is a result of someone trying to write the name “Barrow” with a pen when the temperature is 50 below zero.

The CEO of Levi’s is asking customers not to bring guns into their stores. Which wouldn’t be an issue except that it is still in style to wear jeans that have holes in them.

A report says 6 Million people who are buying cars with subprime loans are at least 90 days behind in their payments. Apparently nine years is long enough now for people to forget anything that could possibly go wrong with a bad idea.

A report says 6 Million people who are buying cars with subprime loans are at least 90 days behind in their payments. The irony is with the people who are living in their car because the subprime loan on their home was foreclosed back in 2011.

IRS data says the top 400 individual tax returns saw their income go up 20%. Which drew a sigh of relief when they found out they still came in just below the threshold of the point where they would actually have to start paying any taxes on it.

Princess Cruises has been fined $40 Million for dropping oily waste into the ocean. To which BP, after paying out $20 Billion for the Gulf Oil Spill says they are now going to rechristen all their drilling platforms as cruise liners.

Princess Cruises has been fined $40 Million for dropping oily waste into the ocean. And that was just the runoff from the afternoon Mexican lunch buffet table.

A study says testosterone therapy can increase the risk of health problems from blood clots. Not only that, but some people have found that it can also lead to a greater risk of making it to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Ireland is moving towards legalizing medicinal marijuana. Mostly because they found out it has the possibility of treating the country’s main health complaint. Hangovers.

Ireland is moving towards legalizing medicinal marijuana. Which is good news for people who are having trouble with their appetite and smoking enough pot may actually get them hungry enough to eat some Irish food.

A study in Hong Kong says a small delay in the time school starts can improve teen sleep and focus. Which is more important for kids in Hong Kong who find it easier to sit through the rest of their 15 hour school day.

A study in Hong Kong says a small delay in the time school starts can improve teen sleep and focus. Although the best method found to improve kids’ sleep in the U.S. is to let them bring their pillows to class.

A study says sunlight may reduce the risk of nearsightedness. In other words, someone spent a lot of money to find out that it’s harder to see in the dark.

A study says sunlight may reduce the risk of nearsightedness. The study also found out that people who stared directly at the Sun long enough did away with needing to go back to the eye doctor ever again.

A new study affirms the health benefits of taking a daily aspirin. Mostly the headache from reading medical studies about the benefits of taking a daily aspirin.

A study says Americans tend to exaggerate their food allergies. The results were a surprise. It’s hard by looking at Americans to see they have trouble eating any food.

“Masters of Sex” has been canceled after four seasons by Showtime. To which women are saying it figures that once again, a chance at being satisfied with something sexual ends prematurely.

The Rolling Stones’ new blues album took just three days to record. And most of that was just getting the car battery up to Keith Richards’ room to shock him back to life every morning.

Martin Scorsese had a private audience with Pope Francis I. It was the first private audience for any filmmaker unless you count the lone person that shows up for most screenings of any Adam Sandler films.

Martin Scorsese had a private audience with Pope Francis I. The meeting went well except for the part where the Pope gave him a penance of 25,000 Our Fathers and 50,000 Hail Marys for directing “The Last Temptation of Christ.”

The NFL says it will hire 17 full time officials. Apparently that means referees who will be assigned to actually watch what the players are doing past the first half.

GM says its new self-driving technology will stop a car if the driver is inattentive. Isn’t continuing to keep going while the driver is inattentive the whole point of having a self-driving car?

GM says its new self-driving technology will stop a car if the driver is inattentive. If they could just do that with every car, we wouldn’t see so many vehicles going head on into a tree because someone was texting behind the wheel.

An analyst says Twitter is the most important social platform right now. Which is true, especially with Donald Trump moving into the White House which will make it the medium that starts World War III.

Apple says it will take all old Apple watches for free recycling. Which makes disposing of the watches much easier, especially for the people who want to dispose of theirs but haven’t yet bothered taking it out of the package.

An Australian man brought police a mysterious round object he thought might have been a breast implant from a woman who was murdered. Police found it to be a jellyfish, which would have been a real surprise for the murder suspect when he went to cop a feel.

An Australian man brought police a mysterious round object he thought might have been a breast implant from a woman who was murdered. When it was found to actually be a jellyfish, a murder warrant was immediately issued for the arrest of SpongeBob SquarePants.

Researchers say the reason astronauts develop eye problems is from spinal fluid pushing against their eyeballs. The only other profession to suffer that is teachers who it turns out really do have eyes in the back of their heads.

A Tennessee representative has filed a constitutional amendment to do away with the electoral college. Or at the very least he says it should just turn the election over to Florida, Ohio and Pennsylvania who are the ones who actually end up picking our President every four years.

Donald Trump is threatening “consequences” to any firms relocating offshore. Those consequences could be as severe as huge tax cuts, massive profits and government payoffs to come back.

The House has voted to ease banking regulations. Which is nice that they have now officially outsourced their duties, cut out the middleman and handed all their legislative work right over to the lobbyists.

The House has voted to ease banking regulations. It was a clear case of year end nostalgia where legislators wanted to take a trip back to the good old days, right before the last time they allowed the economy to crash.

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz says he will step down. Apparently after all these years of being paid an astronomical salary, he finally feels he has put away enough money to retire and be able to afford to buy a cup of coffee at Starbucks every day.


That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! It is Friday, and I am ready for it. Not much to add to that, just looking forward to all of you remembering to always keep on sending the love!

Thursday, December 01, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Scientists in Denmark say that eating insects, blood and animal brains is the way to make the future food supply sustainable. Which is no big deal in Denmark as insects, blood and brains are still more appetizing than a plate full of lutefisk.

ESPN has reportedly lost 1 Million subscribers in the past two months. Apparently even men have finally given up paying a cable bill of $150 a month for the ability to get up at 3:00 AM to watch horseshoe pitching, demolition derby and tractor pulling.

Los Angeles is set to bury 1,430 unclaimed dead bodies in a mass grave. Unfortunately, they were never able to quite make any higher than the celebrity “D” list.

Los Angeles is set to bury 1,430 unclaimed dead bodies in a mass grave. The gravesite will be marked with a simple headstone reading “Here lie 1,430 aspiring screenwriters.”

A passenger on the Colombian airplane crash said they survived by going into the fetal position. Which they apparently learned after trying to deal with customer services after several flights on United Airlines.

The man who created the Big Mac, Jim Delligatti has died at age 98. Apparently he was the victim when things went wrong during a home invasion by the Hamburglar.

The man who created the Big Mac, Jim Delligatti has died at age 98. His last words were “Two all beef patties…special…sauce…lettuce…cheese…pickles…onions…on a…sesame…seed…(gasp)bun.”

The man who created the Big Mac, Jim Delligatti has died at age 98. To which anyone under 30 knows the Big Mac as what their parents used to eat back in the 1970s.

A motorcyclist in Florida died after his bike ran into a turtle on the road. Apparently he just couldn’t avoid the collision as his speed was estimated to be as high as 3 miles an hour.

Voters in Gambia will decide if they want to keep President Yahya Jammeh, who once said he would rule for “a billion years.” Which is about how long it would take to get the rest of the world to actually ever take Gambia seriously.

A report says cigarettes may be a thing of the past for Phillip Morris. Which is what happens when you sell a product that pretty much kills all the people who use it.

A report says cigarettes may be a thing of the past for Phillip Morris. Apparently the company wants to get into producing goods that don’t kill off their customers quite so fast, like junk food, alcohol and video game consoles.

Some Canadian Police are threatening to make DUI suspects listen to Nickelback songs on the way to jail. They would have made them listen to Justin Bieber but the Canadian courts have ruled that would amount to cruel and unusual punishment.

The U.N. Security Council has imposed sanctions on the main source of revenue for North Korea. To which the rest of the world is saying “And that is…?”

The U.N. Security Council has imposed sanctions on the main source of revenue for North Korea. Which turns out to be a nationwide chain of salons that give every citizen exactly the same haircut as Kim Jong-un.

Fiat Chrysler says its new minivan gets 84 miles per gallon in its electric mode. Which is still not as good as most other Chryslers that get up to 200 miles per gallon, at least while they are in hauling mode while being pulled behind a tow truck.

A study says the drug ecstasy could be used to treat people with PTSD. Although it may not work so well on those who became traumatized in the first place after being freaked out during an all-night rave party.

Donald Trump has nominated Steve Mnuchin as Treasury Secretary. The good news is his background as a banker at Goldman Sachs and Hollywood film producer means he has just the right amount of greed and moral vacancy to be put in control of the entire supply of the nation’s currency.

Donald Trump says when he becomes President he will leave his businesses “in total.” Which means he will put all skills of running his companies into the ground more toward bankrupting the entire country.

President Obama says that marijuana should be treated the same as cigarettes and alcohol. Meaning when he turns the White House keys over to Donald Trump he will be like the rest of the country and deal with it by getting stoned out of his mind.

President Obama says that marijuana should be treated the same as cigarettes and alcohol. Why shouldn’t everyone have the chance to use yet another substance to ruin their health, destroy their family and die 20 years before their time?

A study says smokers under 50 are eight times more at risk of having a heart attack. As opposed to smokers over 50 who are just another few packs away from going through heart attack number four.

A study says smokers under 50 are eight times more at risk of having a heart attack. As opposed to those over 50 who have already had three heart attacks and are now dealing with their emphysema, high blood pressure and lung cancer.

The Obama Administration has banned smoking in all U.S. public housing. Mostly because the President is still angry that Michelle made him quit smoking the day they moved into their public housing.

A report says the lack of sleep costs Americans $411 Billion a year in productivity. Mostly because people are lying awake in bed for three hours on their cellphones just answering all the work e-mails they couldn’t get to during business hours.

A report says the lack of sleep costs Americans $411 Billion a year in productivity. Mostly after they call in sick because their wife clobbered them when she caught them sneaking into the bedroom at 3:00 AM.

A report says the lack of sleep costs Americans $411 Billion a year in productivity. Mostly the people who have to stay up all night doing work they couldn’t finish at the office because they spent the entire day at their desk looking at Internet porn.

A study says Americans’ cholesterol levels have been falling. Mostly because they have cut back on their fat intake as it doesn’t taste anywhere near as good as the foods that are made with more sugar or salt.

A study says that insomnia can be helped with online therapy. As anyone can vouch for who has tried to stay awake for an entire hour listening to a therapist talk to them over the computer.

A study says that insomnia can be helped with online therapy. Which is ironic for the people who don’t get enough sleep because they stay up all night on their computer looking at Internet porn.

A report says knowing their personal risk of diabetes still does not inspire people to change their lifestyle. Mostly because that is less likely to kill them as quickly as their personal risk of heart attack, stroke and crashing their car while texting.

A report says China’s lack of sex education is putting millions of young people at risk. Mostly because in a country with a population of 1.3 Billion it is probably about time that they are told what caused all those people.

Researchers say that sports like swimming, tennis and aerobics can add years to a person’s life. But not as much as golf where it can take months just to get through an entire 18 holes at a public course.

Bernie Sanders says that Donald Trump’s tweets “delusional” and “insane.” Which brings up the point that the same thing could be said about Sanders for just noticing that now.

 Bernie Sanders says that Donald Trump’s tweets “delusional” and “insane.” Which is exactly what was said about anyone on election night who said Trump even had a remote chance of winning.

Loretta Lynn says she tried marijuana for the first time at age 84. Which means she must have really wanted to have that chance to finally perform a duet with Willie Nelson.

Loretta Lynn says she tried marijuana for the first time at age 84. Which means there could be a sequel to her life story called “Pizza Delivery Driver’s Daughter.”

Reba McEntire and Brooks & Dunn have extended their Las Vegas residency. Apparently they were both successful in finding a new location where they could sign a long-term lease for their double wide trailers.

Al Brodax, who brought the Beatles cartoon “Yellow Submarine” to the Big Screen has died at age 90. Which was sad, as it was only a week ago that he finally came down from the acid trip he was on that gave him the idea for the movie.

An NBA game between the 76ers and Kings in Philadelphia was postponed because of condensation on the court. Officials are looking for the person responsible who will be charged a foul for double dribble.

A leap second will be added on December 31st to align clocks more accurately with the Earth’s rotation. The news upset many people who are saying “Hasn’t 2016 been long enough already?”

Columbia, South Carolina is looking to cash in on the solar eclipse that will pass directly overhead in 2017. The city hasn’t been in the dark that much since they fought to keep the Confederate Flag flying over the state capitol building last year.

A report says the U.S. leads the world with 14.5% of all spam e-mails originating here. The other 85.5% could not be traced as they were all sent through Hillary Clinton’s private server.

A report says the Great Barrier Reef has lost 22% of its coral this year. If this keeps up, by 2020 it could become the Moderate Barrier Reef.

GoPro action cameras says it will lay off as many as 200 workers. Which means on the day they hand out the pink slips, the company letterhead will instead read “GoHome.”

MasterCard has a payment feature in Brazil and Mexico that allows people to authenticate payments with a selfie. Although it is going to be tough to convince a merchant to process a transaction where the ID photo is of someone posing with a duck face.

The International Astronomical Union has clarified 227 star names. There hasn’t been that much confusion over stars’ real names since they started putting plaques along the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Democrats are saying Donald Trump’s Cabinet nominees should release three years worth of tax returns. To which most of them are billionaires whose response to the request was “What’s a tax return?”

Two designers have come out to say they would not dress Melania Trump as First Lady. To which most people who subscribe to GQ and Max were confused, saying “She wears clothes?”

A report says if David Petraeus is named Secretary of State, he would have to notify his probation officer. That may be a good strategy. What better way to get what you want in an agreement with another country than to have the negotiator accompanied by the entire parole board?

2,300 American scientists, including 22 Nobel Prize winners have sent a letter to Donald Trump asking him to respect science. To which most Trump supporters figure they will have a chance at that right after he finally comes around to respecting women, political opponents and minorities.

Wrestling executive Linda McMahon is reportedly a top choice to head the Small Business Administration. The only problem will be for small business loan applicants who will be notified they have been turned down by being hit across the back with a folding chair.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Funny thing, yesterday I noted that it was the last day of November and here it is the next day and we are already into December. Funny how that works. I need to buy a calendar. Only 24 more days until Christmas. Which means only 27 more days until we start seeing specials advertised for Christmas 2017. I can hardly wait. The only thing I get more excited about is when I see you all remembering to always keep on sending the love!



Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

A Texas man has been jailed for using Twitter to harass others. That kind of behavior could get him sentenced to four years as President of the United States.

Scientists say religion has the same impact on the brain as sex, drugs and music. Which is interesting as most people going to church hear the same sermon each week warning them about the dangers of sex, drugs and rock and roll.

The world’s oldest person has turned 117. The Italian woman lives on a diet of eating two raw eggs every day. When you are that old, you don’t even have three minutes to invest into the future to wait until they are done boiling.

The world’s oldest person has turned 117. She is the last person on the planet born in the 19th century. When told about Facebook, she says she remembers the only way to inform everyone of what you had for breakfast was sending out the message in Morse Code over the telegraph.

A blood test claims to be able to predict if a person will be alive in five years. Mostly when the drawing of the test sample takes 15 minutes to complete because the patient’s blood cholesterol has the viscosity of maple syrup.

Astronauts in space are reportedly being spooked by a mysterious knocking sound. Which brings up the question to those on the International Space Station, “Did anyone remember to let Steve back in after his space walk?”

Researchers say a huge solar storm could wipe out modern technology by the year 2020. It could disrupt business, travel, and what’s worse, would force people to actually have to learn to talk to each other for the first time since 2003.

Kanye West reportedly is still hospitalized and is not considered stable enough to go home. If they are waiting for Kanye to become stable before they release him, Kim Kardashian may want to start stocking up on a whole lot of Snickers bars. 

Kanye West reportedly is still hospitalized and is not considered stable enough to go home. If being unstable is the reason he is in the hospital, the question is what took them this long to get him there?

Researchers say going to bed mad makes things worse. Which hopefully for the scientists working on the project, hopefully they work out their anger before going to bed about not winning a Nobel Prize on this one.

Some bombings of Starbucks coffee shops in New Mexico are being traced to ISIS. Which shows that even terrorists draw the line at having to pay $7.50 just to take care of their daily caffeine addiction.

A report says 85 languages are spoken by the children at public schools in Buffalo, New York. The good news is that the kids can all learn 85 different ways to say “When is it ever going to stop snowing?”

A Fiat heir reportedly faked his own kidnapping to get his family to pay a $10,000 ransom. The sad part is that the company’s board of directors told him they were going to ask if he had an extra $10,000 he could loan the company.

A woman on a United Airlines flight was arrested after jumping out of a plane’s emergency exit door and running towards the terminal. To which the other passengers on the flight yelled out “Send help!”

A woman on a United Airlines flight was arrested after jumping out of a plane’s emergency exit door and running towards the terminal. Apparently she was just in a hurry to see her family and catch up on all that had happened in the six months since she started her flight.

A woman on a United Airlines flight was arrested after jumping out of a plane’s emergency exit door and running towards the terminal. Apparently she was just trying to avoid having to pay the new United deplaning-at-the-gate fee.

Queen Elizabeth II has signed off on a measure giving sweeping digital surveillance powers to British intelligence agencies to perform almost limitless spying on the public. Upon signing the bill, the Queen said “Let’s see how the rest of you like it!”

Some elderly Cuban exiles have bittersweet memories of their homeland, and with the passing of Fidel Castro have nostalgia that brings them back all the good memories. Which were pretty much all the times right up to when Castro took over.

A $421 Million Powerball jackpot is being shared by 20 workers at an auto parts manufacturing plant in Tennessee. Donald Trump immediately took credit for devising the way for those Americans to be able to survive when their jobs are shipped off to Mexico.

A recall has been issued for millions of dehumidifiers that can overheat, smoke and catch fire. The good news is that they really do get rid of any excess moisture in the house.

A report says housing prices have reached a new high, exceeding levels seen during the housing boom. Which people mostly remember was right before all the housing went boom!

A report says housing prices have reached a new high, exceeding the records of the housing boom. Which is perfect timing for the people who have waited out the seven years of bankruptcy since their foreclosure and are finally ready to try it all again.

A report says the deadliest animals in the U.S. are bees, hornets and wasps. Mostly the bees, and that is just from all the health problems from people having honey rum cake every night for dessert.

A report says the deadliest animals in the U.S. are bees, hornets and wasps. If you don’t think WASPS are deadly, just wait until you see the damage afflicted by the members of Donald Trump’s Cabinet.

Hundreds of workers went on strike at O’Hare International Airport in Chicago Tuesday to protest low wages, but no flight operations were affected. Fortunately for United passengers, the workers on strike were baggage handlers, janitors and cabin cleaners so it wasn’t like there was anything different.

A worker in Connecticut admitted to taking food stamps in exchange for bongs and hookahs. He was caught when the people said they really needed their food stamps back to buy some snacks once they were done using the bongs and hookahs.

Cyber Monday was the biggest online sales day in history. You know there were some good deals when even men decided they would rather spend their time online shopping rather than looking at Internet porn, gambling online or checking their Ashley Madison account.

A study says that moderate drinking is no better for the heart than not drinking at all. To which most moderate drinkers say in the name of science that means it is time to take the test to the next level to check out how it is with heavy drinking.

Researchers say they have found a gene which explains why some people drink more than others. Apparently it is the same gene that determines who has red hair, eat potatoes and speak with an Irish brogue.

Niall Horan says One Direction hasn’t called it quits yet. Mostly because once the band broke up and he would tell people he is Niall Horan, there first question would always be “Who?”

Carrie Fisher says her affair with Harrison Ford during the filming of “Star Wars” was “pure lust.” At least on her part. Apparently Ford was more interested in the challenge of seeing how long it would take him to undo that hairdo with the two buns on the side of her head.

Rapper Tyga is being sued for failure to make his payments on a leased Ferrari. People were surprised. Who would actually be dumb enough to lease a Ferrari to a rapper?

“Star Wars” actress Felicity Jones says she wants to be “paid fairly.” To which most people who are struggling to make ends meet say making millions of dollars to act in a few scenes of a movie sounds pretty fair to them.

“Star Wars” actress Felicity Jones says she wants to be “paid fairly.” That depends on your definition of “fair.” For instance, moviegoers say it would be pretty much a fair deal if Adam Sandler took in about $8.50 an hour for his films.

The new NHL team is considering the name the Golden Knights, which could cause a conflict with the Army’s skydiving team of the same name. Causing even more confusion with the skydivers is the use of the term “terminal velocity” to describe the speed of the NHL’s TV ratings in free-fall.

The NFL says it will ditch the early morning game times in London. Mostly because everyone knows it’s hard to get the English to do anything before afternoon tea.

Bernie Sanders is launching a new attack to stop offshore outsourcing. The first item on his agenda is to stop the apparent outsourcing that will take the presidency out of the White House and ship it over to Trump Tower.

Ford says it will start testing self-driving cars on European roads sometime next year. The only problem is bringing those cars back to the states and making sure they don’t get into a bunch of head on crashes driving the wrong way.

A new site called Gab allows people banned on Twitter for hateful content to post whatever they want. Although how bad do you have to be on Twitter when even Donald Trump has managed to keep his account all through the election?

Google has developed an algorithm to spot an eye conditions that can cause blindness. Ironically, the condition is brought on mostly by sitting in front of a computer and searching on Google all day.

Researchers say time travelers could use parallel dimensions to visit the past. Or they can just wait until the Trump Administration takes power and the entire country will be transported back to 1936.

True Ink magazine is asking its readers to help with information to solve the case of plane hijacker D.B. Cooper. The case is of particular interest these days in that airline passengers are fascinated with the story of a man who actually left a flight with more money than he brought onboard.

The Chinese are reporting a 1,000% increase in cyber attacks. The government has figured out a way to get around any such attacks in the future. The only problem is the 15 years it will take for China to come up with a national budget using an abacus.

The Chinese are reporting a 1,000% increase in cyber attacks. Mostly from the fact that the number of people in China who have security clearance to go online has increased from 5 to 50.

Mitt Romney says that after meeting with Donald Trump, “America’s best days are ahead of us.” Unfortunately, those best days will only last until Trump becomes President on January 20th.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will take over as the new host of “Celebrity Apprentice” in January. Producers realize the mistake they made last time and have now chosen a host who isn’t eligible to run for President.

An “overwhelmed” Kim Kardashian says she is worried about letting her kids around Kanye West. People were surprised. She is just figuring that out now?

An “overwhelmed” Kim Kardashian says she is worried about letting her kids around Kanye West. Which to be fair, Kanye is pretty much saying “and vice versa.”

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! This is the last day of November. Eleven months down, one to go. The only problem is that month includes Christmas. That means all I have to do is hunker down inside another 25 days until the holiday rush is over before I can go back out into the world again without the fear of being run over by a horde of mall shoppers looking for that last bargain. In the meantime, while I am going into hermit mode you can always let me know you are still out there by making sure to always keep sending the love!