Sunday, February 19, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

A report says Ted Nugent and Kid Rock are considering a run for Republican Senator from Michigan in 2018. Although if the two square off against each other, “primary” will refer to their combined reading level.

A report says Ted Nugent and Kid Rock are considering a run for Michigan Republican Senator in 2018. Early polling puts Kid Rock in the lead as voters just want to see “Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy” go into the Congressional Record.

A report says Ted Nugent and Kid Rock are considering a run for Republican Senator from Michigan in 2018. Although it could be a tough entry into politics these days as neither of them have any real experience in reality TV.

A private detective in Colorado claims to solve cases with his psychic powers. The only problem is that he loses every case when he says “Evidence? What evidence?”

A private detective in Colorado claims to solve cases with his psychic powers. That and by figuring it out watching old reruns of “Matlock.”

Hollywood is already closing down some streets a week ahead of the Oscars with traffic backed up for miles. Which means drivers could get angry if anyone ever actually notices the difference.

Apple will reportedly start manufacturing iPhones in India. The Chinese are furious. How dare an American company take jobs from China and outsource them to India?

Donald Trump held a campaign event in Florida on Saturday. Apparently he has no plans to stop running until he can finally claim victory in the popular vote.

Some states are pushing for the end of Daylight Saving Time. Also supporting the move is Washington, D.C. where they will find it to their advantage to keep everyone in the dark.

A survey says that half of all Germans who intended to travel to the U.S. won’t do so because of Donald Trump. How bad is it when even the Germans are protesting a leader who is too authoritarian?

A survey says that half of all Germans who intended to travel to the U.S. won’t do so because of Donald Trump. Although the idea of traveling Germans makes some people nervous, especially those who were around Czechoslovakia back in 1938.

100 pounds of pot was found hidden in mesquite firewood at the Mexico border. That would have been one barbecue where there were no leftovers of any kind.

A report says border agents searched 23,000 laptops and cellphones in 2016. Apparently they feel they have a better chance at seeing some fully nude pictures that way than what they get putting travelers through the naked body scanners.

A report says border agents searched 23,000 laptops and cellphones in 2016. Because sometimes it takes watching 23,000 different cat videos and vacation theme park photos in order to catch that one terrorist trying to slip through.

Police helped a 100 year old Massachusetts man who had a lottery ticket stolen. Which was really unnecessary since after living to 100 he has pretty much already beaten the odds.

Police helped a 100 year old Massachusetts man who had a winning lottery ticket stolen. The only problem is that after buying the ticket and walking home, it was already past the six month expiration date.

Scientists say they have discovered a new mostly submerged continent called Zealandia. Which means Donald Trump will amend his executive order for a travel ban to deny entrance into the U.S. by any sea creatures with a Zealandian passport.

Scientists say they have discovered a new mostly submerged continent called Zealandia. The good news is that since it is already submerged, Carnival Cruise Line has already put the location on its new itinerary as a port stop.

A report says robots could be used to help chronically ill children attend school. Although the bad part for the sickly kids is when in order to make it an authentic school experience, the robots are programmed to give them a daily wedgie.

Pokemon Go is adding dozens of new monsters to the game this week. They would have had them sooner but apparently there was a problem getting them all past the immigration check points.

China has granted Donald Trump a trademark for his name in the construction industry there after a decade of trying. Which shows how massive their bureaucracy is. How many other people named “Trump” could there be in China?

Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan was given a 25% raise last year to $20 Million. Apparently the board rewarded him for going nearly eight straight years without crashing the world economy.

Boeing is back on Donald Trump’s good side, inviting him to attend the unveiling of the new 787 jet. They gave him First Class treatment at the event, meaning he had a seat he could actually fit in along with snack bags that had more than three peanuts.

A lawsuit claims the chicken industry is cheating customers through price fixing. Mostly because they know they have the American consumer by the McNuggets.

A lawsuit claims the chicken industry is cheating customers through price fixing. They just get together and keep coming up with ways of giving us the bird.

McDonald’s is hoping to lure customers by giving longtime menu items a facelift. The only problem is that people who eat there enough also end up needing a facelift, along with liposuction and a tummy tuck.

A report says online dating is up 35% since Donald Trump won the election. Mostly immigrants who know the only way they will ever be able to stay here is by marrying an American.

Mark Zuckerberg wrote a 5,700 word letter about the danger of isolationism. Mostly for someone who became one of the world’s richest people by having a billion people he can call “friends.”

Some antibiotic-resistant superbugs are going to be sent to the International Space Station on a rocket. Although if they are really “superbugs” shouldn’t they be able to fly up there by themselves?

Some antibiotic-resistant superbugs are going to be sent to the International Space Station on a rocket. How good must those astronauts feel knowing it’s being done so if it kills them all it’s not like they will be coming back to infect the rest of the planet.

Some antibiotic-resistant superbugs are going to be sent to the International Space Station on a rocket. The only problem is making sure the astronauts are able to treat the bacteria with the utmost gravity.

Schools have been closed due to an outbreak of the Norovirus from Rhode Island to California. The good news is those students are now all prepared to apply for a summer job working on a Carnival cruise ship.

A court has ruled doctors in Florida can talk to their patients about guns. Which is important seeing as that the reason 90% of their patients have scheduled an appointment is for treatment of a bullet wound.

A study says the “love hormone” Oxytocin helps dads bond with their babies. Which will never be broken until the time the child asks for $20 and the car keys.

A study says doctors tend to prescribe antibiotics if their patients expect them. Which brings up the question if that is how they run their practice, then what is the whole point of them having to go through that medical school thing?

A study says random acts of kindness can make a marriage happier. Like when the bride just signs the prenuptial agreement without bothering to read it first.

A study says random acts of kindness can make a marriage happier. Which for most men means when their wife goes to work all day, takes the kids to school, fixes dinner, cleans the house, does the laundry…

A survey says 57% of Americans are suffering from post-election stress. What’s worse is that the other 43% are still trying to get over the elections of 1968, 1972, 1976, 1980…

A survey says 66% of Americans are worried about the future of the country. To which most psychologists are trying to calm them down by assuring them the way things are going, we have another year or two left at the most.

A study says parents still lose sleep worrying about their grown children. Which is needless since most of them are still right downstairs living in their basement.

A study says parents still lose sleep worrying about their grown children. Mostly because after graduating college with their tuition loans to pay off and the only available jobs paying minimum wage, that’s when their problems are just starting.

A study says that yoga can help in a patient’s recovery from surgery. Although if most hospital patients were in good enough shape to do yoga, they probably wouldn’t need to be having surgery in the first place.

Derek Jeter’s wife Hannah Davis was stuck in an elevator in Manhattan for 30 minutes before she could be rescued. Wouldn’t you know those were the only doors in New York City that being Jeter’s wife couldn’t get opened?

A study says that Hollywood diversity initiatives need to extend to age. Although there has been a lot of progress done already. Like the fact the city now a Botox clinic on virtually every corner.

A study says that Hollywood diversity initiatives need to extend to age. Although it is hard to win an Oscar at 40 when after 30 the only roles offered are “dead body.”

Padres pitcher Christian Bethancourt says he wants to become the first player to pitch and catch regularly in the majors. Although with an 85 MPH fastball, Tim Lincecum could actually be the first to pitch while playing catcher at the same time.

A new dating app matches people on what they hate. The only problem is that most of them are disqualified when the thing the detest is people who lie on their dating site profile.

A new dating app matches people on what they hate. It works the best when it is able to pair up a misanthrope with a self-loather.

Texas is threatening the NFL to pass a law requiring players to stand during the National Anthem. Which is ironic since the dispute started over Texas trying to pass a bathroom bill that would require transgenders to stand at the urinal.

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is receiving protection from federal marshals after some encounters with protesters. Although most teachers say she would already know how to defend herself if she had only worked a few months in a public school.

Donald Trump is interviewing candidates to replace Michael Flynn who resigned as National Security Advisor after less than a month. Which at this rate means during his first term he will only have to be doing this another 47 times.

A report says Donald Trump’s nominee for Navy Secretary is on the verge of withdrawing. One criticism is that Philip Bilden was never actually in the Navy. Which means Trump should have no such problem with his back up choice, the sailor from The Village People.

The blind Sheikh who masterminded the 1993 bombing of the World Trace Center has died in prison. The attack might have taken a turn if the conspirators had chosen someone who didn’t take three hours to find and light the fuse.

Bill Gates says that job stealing robots should be taxed like humans. Which would be handled by a brand new tax firm called H&R Blockhead.

Bill Gates says that job stealing robots should be taxed like humans. Which means that Al Gore would finally have to hand over some of the royalties he has made for narrating and acting in his own films.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! The Academy Awards are less than a week away. That gives most people a chance to know which are the best movies to mark down that they can watch when they are available on Netflix in two years. As opposed to the snobs who actually have the $8 it takes to get in to watch them in a theater. The only problem is that the Oscars lose a significant share of their audience who think they are watching the Academy Awards when they hear all the political speeches and don’t realize they have tuned in to C-SPAN. I just hope you remember to thank me as well as the producers, actors, writers, agents, managers, family members and everyone else in your acceptance speech and when you take the time to make sure to always keep sending the love!


Friday, February 17, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Donald Trump railed against the media during a news conference, saying he is not given credit for “inheriting a mess.” As opposed to how he never mentions the fact that he would not be where he is if he didn’t also inherit his personal fortune.

The CEO of Twitter is comparing the mood in the U.S. to the Arab Spring. The only difference is that the Arab Spring actually included some Muslims.

The student government at the University of Wisconsin-Madison is demanding free tuition for all black students because of their treatment during slavery. Which is great news for the three black students who have actually applied to the University of Wisconsin.

A study says dogs are less likely to interact with people who are acting rude or unfriendly towards others. Which may be true. When is the last time you saw a Frenchman walking a dog through your neighborhood?

A national “day without immigrants” protest closed many shops and restaurants on Thursday. Not to be outdone, an upcoming “day without billionaires” is threatening to completely shut down Washington, D.C., Wall Street and every private airport.

Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus is embarking on their final tour. Apparently the circus just can’t compete with what is going on with Congress, the White House and the media.

Donald Trump says his administration is running like a “fine tuned machine.” Although the machine that comes to mind so far in the first month is one that will be very good at shredding paper.

Donald Trump says his administration is running like a “fine tuned machine.” Which so far appears to be a machine that is very good at just doing a lot of spinning.

Hillary Clinton unveiled stamps honoring designer Oscar de la Renta. Republicans are still hoping that Clinton finds a designer who can outfit her in a line featuring horizontal black and white stripes.

A 7 year old girl from England wrote a letter asking Google for a job. The company wrote back telling her to keep following her dreams and that maybe when she is old enough to get a job Google may actually be hiring women.

A 7 year old girl from England wrote a letter asking Google for a job. The company said she should follow her dreams, and in the meantime has she tried applying with Nike?

Automakers are hoping to get a break from the Trump Administration over fuel economy standards. They say it’s tough to make a car that gets 40 miles a gallon when it is hauling around four people who each weigh at least 300 pounds.

Payless ShoeSource says it is closing 1,000 stores as it edges closer to bankruptcy. Mostly from the fact that no one needs to buy shoes when the farthest distance they ever walk anymore is from the couch to the refrigerator and back.

The United Auto Workers Union is preparing a “buy American” ad campaign. Which means buying cars that still have that one part, the knob on top of the gear shift that is still actually made in the U.S.

Donald Trump gave a news conference where he says drugs are “cheaper than candy bars.” To which every American who is struggling to pay their prescription medication bills is asking “Which pharmacy is that again?”

Donald Trump gave a news conference where he says drugs are “cheaper than candy bars.” Which after looking at most Americans, maybe it might be time to raise the price of the candy.

Two women were caught smuggling horse genitals inside juice boxes at a Virginia airport. They were caught when airport security realized that wasn’t a straw sticking out of the box.

Two women were caught smuggling horse genitals inside juice boxes at a Virginia airport. They were caught when airport security became suspicious of the boxes that were labeled “Capri Sun Sea Biscuit.”

An Ohio brewery is offering a week of “paw-ternity” leave to any employees adopting a new dog. The idea came from the company’s newly appointed CEO, Spuds McKenzie.

The NFL and CBS are discussing ways to make games shorter. The first suggestion is saving all kinds of time by telling announcers not to say anything dumb.

The NFL and CBS are discussing ways to make games shorter. To which the Atlanta Falcons are suggesting they end the games after the first half.

A report says U.S. household debt climbed its highest in a decade last year, up to $12.6 Trillion. It’s getting bad when even Congress is asking Americans if they have ever heard of a budget.

A report says U.S. household debt climbed its highest in a decade last year, up to $12.6 Trillion. Which is good news because it’s a sure sign the economy is recovering when Americans surge even deeper into the red.

A report says flu-related doctor visits are down 48% because of the flu vaccine. The other 52% are going to see their doctor not for the flu but just because it will be the last time they will be able to do it after President Trump drops their Obamacare. 

Families and lawmakers are demanding transparency after a drug manufacturer raised the price of a Muscular Dystrophy medicine to $89,000. Although some are saying transparency with Big Pharma is unnecessary because everyone can see right through them.

Scientists in the UK have come up with an algorithm that can predict who will go bald. To which men are asking instead of figuring out who it will affect, why aren’t they spending their time looking for a cure?

Scientists in the UK have come up with an algorithm that can predict who will go bald. Which will give those men the go-ahead to just start getting fat and spending any free time with their male friends going to see the latest “Star Wars” movie.

Scientists in the UK have come up with an algorithm that can predict who will go bald. Apparently they turned their attention to the top part of the head once they figured it was a waste of time determining the few who would keep their teeth.

A psychiatrist says that Donald Trump is not mentally ill, just unpleasant. The only question is will either of those conditions make him any less dangerous to have his finger on the Nuclear Button?

A study says the most attractive female lips are where the upper lip is half the size of the lower. The least attractive are the ones with a cigarette dangling from them while covered in Big Mac sauce and leftover Krispy Kreme donut crumbs.

A study says the most attractive female lips are where the upper lip is half the size of the lower. Although that doesn’t apply when the upper lip is half the size of the lower lip which has been inflated by Botox to the size of an inner tube.

More states are allowing “dental therapists” who can pull teeth and fill cavities. The “therapist” part comes in when patients need to see one after they realize that by not seeing a real dentist they no longer have any teeth.

More states are allowing “dental therapists” who can pull teeth and fill cavities. Although patients need to be careful when they see the dental tool tray only holds a pair of pliers and a Black & Decker cordless drill.

A report says couples are freezing their private parts in order to have better sex. And you thought she was hard to warm up before.

A report says couples are freezing their private parts in order to have better sex. Although one thing to remember is how much shrinkage there was just from taking a dip in cold water.

A celebrated scientist says without immigration, the U.S. would be a third rate country. To which most people are saying that Donald Trump may really be trying to bring us back to where we were.

A study says exercise is not enough to prevent weight gain. Especially when the only exercise you are getting is lifting boxes of pork rinds and cases of beer off the grocery store shelves.

A study says exercise is not enough to prevent weight gain. Especially when the only exercise you are getting is the morning squats after eating dinner at Taco Bell.

A brain tumor triggered a Spanish woman’s sudden hyper-religious behavior. Mostly because she decided she would have a better chance at praying the tumor away than having surgery by a Spanish doctor.

The food industry is working on simplifying the labels on perishable food. They are considering changing the warnings to “sell by,” “use by” and “call 911.”

The food industry is working on simplifying the labels on perishable food. The new labels will just say “Does this smell bad to you?”

Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna have reportedly broken up, with Kardashian saying he “thinks it is the right decision.” Which when looking at the Kardashian family history of relationships and putting their lives on reality TV, sounds about as thoughtful as anything else they have ever done.

Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna have reportedly broken up, with a source saying they are both “trying to be mature about it.” Because what is more mature than being together a year, having a baby without being married and using the whole experience to get a contract for a reality show?

Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna have reportedly broken up after being together just over a year. Or as the Kardashians call that, just shy of the second season premier.

CBS says it is close to renewing “The Big Bang Theory” for two more years. Or as that is known at the network, two more years of CBS.

Regis Philbin says he hasn’t talked with Kelly Ripa since he left their show in 2011. Apparently it all has to do with their bitter custody dispute over who gets Gelman.

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred says baseball needs to change to mean “as much to the next generation as it does to this generation.” The problem is that the game has slowed down so much there is sometimes a generational change between innings.

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred says baseball needs to change to mean “as much to the next generation as it does to this generation.” Mostly by making that young people coming to the ballpark have the ability to watch the game there on their iPad.

The “Day without immigrants” demonstration closed shops and restaurants across the country on Thursday. It’s just a good thing that it didn’t happen during baseball season or the Yankees would have had to go through the day without a bullpen.

AT&T has announced an unlimited data plan for its customers. Which is not to be confused with their current plan that calls for an unlimited amount of time to actually download something.

An Ohio man is suing Wal-Mart for misrepresenting their company’s beer as a craft beer. He should have really thought first about buying into the idea of ever buying into the idea of using “craft” and “Wal-Mart” in the same sentence.

Facebook is adding a feature that allows users to apply for jobs using the site. Which will come in handy for the people who are looking for work after they posted what they thought of their boss.

A report says deforestation in Brazil has increased 30% in the past 12 months. It would have been even more but apparently they decided to leave a landing strip.

A report says India’s air pollution is now as deadly as that of China. Which both countries are using as a status symbol to show off that they not only have all our jobs, but they have taken the smog that goes along with them.

Donald Trump told the media at a news conference that he was not “ranting and raving.” Which scared many Americans who would feel more assured if they knew what he is doing is actually just the result of a meltdown.

A Fox News anchor is reportedly in talks to join the Trump Administration. Which is interesting because Fox News anchors already pretty much call that their job description.

Chris Christie says Donald Trump made him order the meatloaf when he ate at the White House. Although what actually may have happened is that Trump may have confused him with Meat Loaf.

Chris Christie says Donald Trump made him order the meatloaf when he ate at the White House. Which brought up suspicions right away. When has Chris Christie ever been forced into ordering anything on a menu?

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! I am glad you enjoy the jokes and that you have the spare time to actually take away from any productivity to take a look at the blog. Time for the weekend so we can all recharge and try this again next week. Who know, by then I might come across the secret to make some of them actually work. In the meantime, it only takes a few minutes for all of you to remember to make sure to always keep sending the love!


Thursday, February 16, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Pilots with American Airlines denounced their company’s CEO for missing a scheduled meeting with Donald Trump. Apparently the executive couldn’t make it there on time after deciding to fly commercial and booking a flight on American.

A survey of psychologists says Americans’ stress levels have been increasing significantly over money, work and the economy. The good news is that most people won’t have any of that left to worry about after four years of President Trump.

A full-length animated film in Iran shows the Revolutionary Guards defeating the U.S. Navy. Apparently the Navy just wasn’t ready for a full on attack from a military coming at them using Bronze Age swords, shields and a catapult.

A judge in New York has ordered a woman not to get pregnant again after her fourth child was taken by the state. The judge told her the best way to avoid getting pregnant was to just wear a black robe all the time.

A report says U.S. economic freedom has hit a historic low. Mostly for the Americans who are free from worrying about money, a paycheck, bank accounts, investments…

A 92 year old California man shot his 72 year old wife to death of Valentine’s Day. Apparently he wanted to play Cupid but didn’t realize a gun isn’t a good substitute for a bow and arrow.

An American Airlines jet had to make an emergency landing after hitting a deer while taking off in North Carolina. The pilot is really worried as the deer was described as having a red nose and pulling a sleigh.

A report says more than 55,000 bridges in the U.S. are in need of repair. Structurally deficient bridges could pose safety problems, impede traffic and as Chris Christie will tell you, can completely wreck a political career.

Donald Trump told Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu to hold off building any more settlements on the West Bank for a while. The move would encourage peace, ease negotiations and bring more business for the hotel Trump is planning to build there.

France is planning on building an eight foot high glass bulletproof glass security wall around the Eiffel Tower. The only problem is that Parisians hate the idea as the glass wall means they will still be able to see all the tourists there.

The CEO of Aetna says Obamacare is in “a death spiral.” Pretty much like all the people who had a chance of having a chance of being cured until Donald Trump was elected on the promise to repeal Obamacare.

Donald Trump says his “massive” tax plan will lower rates for “virtually everybody.” Mostly by the way his economic policies will drop everyone’s paycheck to the point where they won’t have an income to be taxed on.

A report says rising health care costs are back to stay. To which most Americans are asking to remind them just when was it when they ever went away?

Ashton Kutcher went before Congress saying that technology is the way to fight online sex trafficking. Which is ironic in that if it weren’t for technology, sex trafficking wouldn’t have gone onto the Internet in the first place.

Ashton Kutcher went before Congress saying that technology is the way to fight online sex trafficking. Although a bigger question is how technology can be used to block movies like “Dude, Where’s My Car?” from being streamed on the Internet.

A man dubbed “Porn’s new king” has been sentenced to eleven years in prison. The worst part is that while behind bars he will now become known as his cellmates’ new queen.

Tiger Woods has been advised by his doctors to limit his physical activities. This comes after he had already cut back on his activities over the past three years by not playing more than two rounds in any tournament.

PepsiCo says its baked Lay’s chips, Simply Tostitos and diet Mountain Dew are “guilt free.” The only problem is that they are also taste free, health free and nutritionally free.

A study says surgeons who are rude to their patients may pose problems in the Operating Room. Mostly because the last thing a patient wants to hear from someone standing over them with a scalpel is a cutting remark.

A study says surgeons who are rude to their patients may pose problems in the Operating Room. If surgeons want to make their patients feel badly about themselves, just wait until they have to figure out how to pay their hospital bills.

A report says germs and mold have been found in some medicinal marijuana. Remember the days when the only germs and mold associated with pot were the ones infesting the homes of stoners?

A report says the brain damage CTE has been found in some former soccer players. Also in the soccer fans who had to sit through a three hour game with someone behind them the entire time blowing a vuvuzela in their ear.

A report says the brain damage CTE has been found in some former soccer players. Although it wasn’t as bad as the brain damage in their fans from banging their heads against the wall sitting through a three hour 0-0 tie.

A study says new dads are at risk of depression. Usually not until their children say that they want to go to college for eight years to get a Ph.D. in philosophy.

The economy is being blamed for an increase in highway deaths last year. Mostly because of the people who can now afford a cellphone plan with unlimited data that lets them watch an entire movie while sitting behind the wheel.

The economy is being blamed for an increase in highway deaths last year. Mostly the people who lost their health insurance who know the only way they can see a doctor is by crashing their car and letting their auto insurance send them to the hospital.

The economy is being blamed for an increase in highway deaths last year. Mostly because of the people who finally have enough money to know they can fix their car when they drive 85 MPH head on into a semi in the oncoming lane.

A study says moving abroad for love can make a person miserable. Mostly because it is much better to move abroad if it is for money.

A study says moving abroad for love can make a person miserable. Especially for the people who move abroad because they fell in love with someone from France.

The European Union has issued a final warning to Germany, France, Spain, Italy and Britain over air pollution. The first four need to cut back on auto emissions while the English just need to tell their people to quit cooking so much haggis.

The European Union has issued a final warning to Germany, France, Spain, Italy and Britain over air pollution. To deliver the news in a way they could understand, they had a soccer official whistle them all and give them a brown card.

A study says mice running on a treadmill for 30 minutes slowed aging of their hearts. Which is good news for all those hamsters that run on the wheel in their cage all day and increase their life span from two months all the way to three.

A study says mice running on a treadmill for 30 minutes slowed aging of their hearts. Although what really shortens their life span is their cheese diet. Especially the pieces they try to take out of the mouse trap.

A Las Vegas man is accusing Justin Bieber of assault and theft. Mostly for the pain he endured after forking out $50 to sit all the way through a Justin Bieber concert.

Gwen Stefani says working with her boyfriend Blake Shelton on “The Voice” is “so much fun.” Although how bad could it be to be even with people you hate while being paid millions of dollars to be on TV working a couple of hours a week?

Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich says James Hetfield is livid after the band’s set at the Grammys was plagued by audio problems. The good news is that most of Metallica’s fans couldn’t tell the difference as they lost their hearing back in 1985.

Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich says James Hetfield is livid after the band’s set at the Grammys was plagued by audio problems. Fans were also upset. Why couldn’t the audio crew do everyone a favor and mess up while Chance the Rapper was on stage?

Niall Horan from One Direction says a reunion is “definitely happening.” Apparently the band members miss the camaraderie, performing for loyal fans and realized their old gig was way better than their new job behind the counter at Chick-fil-A.

Vanna White has a significant birthday coming up this week. She doesn’t want to reveal her age, but sent out a message saying she would be celebrating turning S_XT_ years old.

Vanna White is turning 60 years old this week. She is hoping that her presents include some clothes, jewelry and three vowels.

A report says Harrison Ford landed on a taxiway instead of the proper runway which could result in his pilot’s license being suspended. Fortunately he will still keep his permits to operate his Rascal scooter around the airport terminals.

A report says Harrison Ford landed on a taxiway instead of the proper runway which could result in his pilot’s license being suspended. That is no surprise. It turns out he was also the one flying the plane in the movie “Air Force One.”

Tiger Woods has been set at 20 to 1 odds to win a major golf tournament this year. However, a better wager is the odds of anyone actually taking that bet which have been set at 1,000 to 1.

Donald Trump has declined ESPN’s offer to fill out his NCAA brackets live on TV. Mostly because for the 15th straight year, no invitation for the tournament has been offered to the basketball team from Trump University.

Donald Trump has declined ESPN’s offer to fill out his NCAA brackets live on TV. Mostly because he still hasn’t been able to keep his card filled with the selections for his Cabinet.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott says the NFL is walking on “thin ice” with threats over sanctions if the state passes a transgender bathroom bill, saying they should stay out of politics and stick to football. To which most Texans are saying “What else is there?”

Scientists say they can count a person’s caloric intake based on their tweets. Especially if their cellphone keyboard is covered in orange Cheetos powder.

Scientists say they can count a person’s caloric intake based on their tweets. Apparently the more a person tweets, the more likely they are to eat like a bird.

Scientists say they can count a person’s caloric intake based on their tweets. Especially if they end every tweet with #mmmbacon.

Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is reportedly being considered as Ambassador to France. Now sports fans are saying the only thing that could top that is if they could make a deal to send Redskins owner Daniel Snyder to be Ambassador to Iran.

Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is reportedly being considered as Ambassador to France. To which all the Parisians are saying if they withdraw the offer they will change their attitude, promise to be nice, and start taking showers.

An analyst says a “stunning” amount of classified information is being leaked against the Trump Administration. Which shows that it is never a good idea to pick a fight with the people who know where all the bodies are buried.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Wow. We are less than a month into the Trump Administration and already one official has resigned for improper negotiations, another has pulled his name for domestic abuse and secrets are being leaked all over the place. The good news is that Sean Spicer has already been nominated for the Pulitzer for best fiction writing. I may never win a Pulitzer for what I do here, but I consider it as good as any award every time you all remember to always keep on sending the love!