Friday, June 23, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

George Clooney has cashed out in selling his own brand of tequila he started just four years ago for $233 Million. When is this guy ever going to get a break?

Los Angeles may soon dedicate a street called Obama Boulevard. To commemorate his relationship with Congress, it will be a road already in an area plagued by gridlock.

Bill Cosby, after his mistrial says he will start a motivational speaking tour. And what better role model could there be than a 79 year old man who just escaped by a hung jury going to prison for date rape?

Conservative commentator Hugh Hewitt will have his own show on MSNBC on Saturday mornings. Apparently the idea is to put him in a time slot where he can compete against the other networks that also reserve that time for cartoons.

A study says the accident rate is higher in states where marijuana is legal. Mostly from all the sudden turns from the wrong lane into the parking lots at pizzerias.

A study says the accident rate is higher in states where marijuana is legal. The good news is that none of the accidents are ever at a speed faster than 15 miles an hour.

A bikini contest competitor in Florida was arrested after hitting another entrant in the head with her high-heeled shoe. What’s worse is that the woman brought the shoes because she wanted to be thought of as well heeled.

A study says there is a connection between drinking black coffee and sadistic, psychopathic tendencies. Apparently the people like to model their behavior after their coffee. Bitter.

A study says there is a connection between drinking black coffee and sadistic, psychopathic tendencies. On top of that, anyone who goes to Starbucks and pays a premium price for plain coffee can also be described as masochistic.

A study says there is a connection between drinking black coffee and sadistic, psychopathic tendencies. Which is completely the opposite of the girlie tendencies of anyone who instead orders an extra foamy caramel macchiato espresso.

The Census Bureau says the U.S. population is growing older and more diverse. As opposed to Congress, Wall Street and Vermont where the people are getting older but are still as white as ever.

The Census Bureau says the U.S. population is growing older and more diverse. But no matter the age or race of Americans, the one thing we will always have in common is the drive to eventually become morbidly obese.

North Korea is calling Donald Trump a psychopath who wants to start a war to divert attention from his own tough situation. Apparently it turns out that “Kim Jong-un” is actually the Korean word for “Pelosi.”

North Korea is calling Donald Trump a psychopath who wants to start a war to divert attention from his own tough situation. To which China, Russia and Mexico are saying “You took the words right out of our mouth.”

A Canadian sniper set a record by taking out an ISIS terrorist with a kill shot from more than two miles away. Not only that, he was so good he did it while shooting with his rifle over his shoulder backwards using a mirror.

Donald Trump says he doesn’t want a “poor person” running the economy. Instead he wants to leave it to a rich person who will come up with policies to make everyone else poor.

A study says each new industrial robot displaces six human workers. Especially the robots that can be programmed to clean the Slurpee machine and also restock the Slim Jim rack.

United Airlines will start serving Uno’s pizza on flights that are longer than 3 ½ hours. The good news is that on most United flights that means the pizzas will be delivered while the plane is still on the tarmac.

United Airlines will start serving Uno’s pizza on flights that are longer than 3 ½ hours. The idea is that passengers who are full after eating pizza will tend to be less combative while being dragged off the plane.

Facebook’s new vision for the next decade is to give users the “power to build community and bring the world closer together.” That’s a leap from its current role of providing a way to look at cat videos and see what people are eating for lunch.

American Airlines is searching for a new uniform supplier after complaints the current ones caused allergic reactions. Especially the male flight attendants who break out into hives just thinking out being seen in polyester and rayon.

A survey says 75% of Americans say incivility is at crisis levels. The other 25% are telling everyone else to just shut their mouth.

A new eye tracking device could help to diagnose athletes’ concussions on the spot. Mostly by seeing how their eyes are moving while they are looking at the stars they see spinning around in their head.

Dozens of people were arrested at the U.S. Capitol protesting the new Republican health care bill. The sad part is that in this country it is much more affordable to pay for bail and a lawyer than it is to get health insurance.

A study says people with the widest range of positive emotions are healthier. The only problem is most Americans are only excited, amused and cheerful while they are sitting on the couch watching cat videos going through a gallon of Haagen Dazs.

The CDC says fewer U.S. teens are having sex. Mostly because the typical teen no longer has a car, can’t find work so has no money and because of their smartphone can’t even hold a simple conversation with another human.

The CDC says fewer U.S. teens are having sex. Because of smartphones, people can’t even hold a simple conversation anymore which means that the only way the human race will be able to procreate to survive is because of Tinder.

Prince Philip has been released from the hospital after being admitted as a “precautionary measure.” Mostly because when you are 96 even a hiccup warrants a precautionary measure.

Prince Harry says no one in the Royal Family wants to be king or queen. To which Prince Charles said “Hey, I’m right over here.”

Prince Harry says no one in the Royal Family wants to be king or queen. Apparently after doing all the hard work it takes to become a prince or princess, it would be tough to take on even more responsibility and stress.

Prince Harry says no one in the Royal Family wants to be king or queen. Apparently they are worried about the possible injuries that come with the job like bursitis from constantly waving to the crowds during parades.

Prince Harry says no one in the Royal Family wants to be king or queen. To which William, Kate, George and Charlotte are saying “Speak for yourself!”

A study says the Cowboys top the Patriots for having the best NFL fans. Although it’s easy to root for a winner. The real prize goes to Cleveland fans who still show up on cold winter Sundays to watch a team through an entire season where they go 1-15.

A study says the Cowboys top the Patriots for having the best NFL fans. It would have been the Raiders but they lost points when it comes to beating up fans who wear the opposing teams’ jerseys to games.

Donald Trump was filmed driving a golf cart across the green at one of his New Jersey golf courses. Which finally explains why the Secret Service never lets the President get behind the wheel.

A jersey “possibly” worn by Michael Jordan was sold at auction for $273,000. That’s a lot of money for “possibly.” Mostly because if it turns out to be “not” its value drops to around $12.50.

A report says the Knicks are seeking a “massive” price for center Kristaps Porzingis. Which is not to be confused with the only person who can command even more money who is known for being on TV and saying “Bazinga.”

An report says 250 Million children around the world can’t read, write or do basic math. To which the people of Alabama gave a sigh of relief and said “Whew! We thought it was just us.”

Uber workers have started a petition to bring back CEO Travis Kalanick. Most of Silicon Valley thought his job was safe, but apparently the only CEOs who have total job security are the ones who start a worldwide economic crash.

Airbnb is planning to launch a premium tier to compete with hotels. Which sort of defeats the whole point of Airbnb as a place people want to stay because it’s cheap and not a hotel.

China has banned video streaming on several websites. Mostly because it turns out people who search for cat videos and pictures of what other people are eating for lunch end up watching the same thing.

Lyft is telling its workers not to “gloat” over the recent crises at Uber. Which isn’t that big of a request as it is pretty hard to gloat to anyone that your job is driving for Lyft.

Scientists say the solar eclipse coming in August could cause a dramatic temperature drop during the event. Which will give the Trump Administration an opportunity to use the occasion to once again throw doubt on global warming.

Sega is bringing free classic video games like “Sonic the Hedgehog,” “Kid Chameleon” and “Altered Beast” to mobile devices. The problem is with Baby Boomers who remember the games from arcades and keep asking where to put the quarter.

Two Brits have been arrested for trying to hack Microsoft. Apparently the hackers wanted to break into Microsoft because they got hold of a RadioShack TRS-80 and thought it was still 1988.

Two Brits have been arrested for trying to hack Microsoft. Apparently they were just trying to be the first to break into the system and see if they could actually get a computer to boot up with Windows 10.

The U.S. Mint has revealed three proposed designs for the reverse side of the 50th anniversary coin commemorating the Apollo 11 Moon landing. The finalists include depictions of the astronauts, the spacecraft and the Hollywood production studio where the entire mission was filmed.

The U.S. Mint has revealed three proposed designs for the reverse side of the 50th anniversary coin commemorating the Apollo 11 Moon landing. A fourth entry was disqualified as it featured the likeness of Richard Pryor because the artist thought they meant the Apollo Theater.

Donald Trump is calling the Russian election hacking a “Big Dem Hoax.” As opposed to his own hoaxes of tax reform, the health care bill, a travel ban, voter fraud, the Wall…

A report says there is little movement in the White House probe of voter fraud. Mostly because the administration may need an excuse for any losses they may suffer in the 2018 election.

A report says a dozen House Democrats met to plot the ousting of Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. Which shows that even in this time of unprecedented political animosity, there is still something that can meet approval on both sides of the aisle.

AARP is warning Senators against supporting the Republican health care plan. Which could carry a lot of clout as anyone who votes against it could be looking at having their AARP senior discount card pulled.

Senator Lindsey Graham says there is a 50% chance the health care bill will pass. Which is a pretty safe statement considering every bill has a 50% chance of passing, being either a “yes” or a “no.”

A poll says 17% of Americans have a positive view of Jared Kushner. The other 83% were asking “Who is Jared Kushner?”

The Orlando International Airport has banned all marijuana, even for medical use. The decision was met by disapproval by airport businesses, who say the move could mean $3 Million in losses to the food court alone.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Not a great day for headlines, but I was still able to crank out a large number of jokes to hopefully bring a laugh or two for you. Which two laughs out of 50 jokes is about my usual daily percentage. It’s Friday, so time to take a couple of days off to relax and rest up for the next round of attempted humor on Monday. In the meantime, you can always make my weekend even nicer when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!



Thursday, June 22, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Yesterday was National Selfie Day. Or as the Kardashians call that, “Wednesday.”

Tennis great Boris Becker has declared bankruptcy. The sad part is that he has been invited back to Wimbledon this year to mow the courts.

Tennis great Boris Becker has declared bankruptcy. He has won six Grand Slam titles, which ironically he reminisces about when he can afford to have breakfast at Denny’s.

The Illinois Comptroller says the state “can no longer function.” The worst part is getting a sympathy card saying “thanks for making us look so good!” from Arkansas.

A dog meat festival in China that was threatened to be banned has decided to open after all. The event is otherwise known there as “lunch.”

A report says crowds at the Glastonbury music festival in the UK will be facing security lines and searches that could last hours. Or Brits could get the same experience just buying a plane ticket into the U.S.

A poll says the number one thing most Americans want to do on summer vacation is nothing. Which defeats the whole purpose of time off since doing nothing for most is like never leaving the office.

A poll says the number one thing most Americans want to do on vacation is nothing. Which by the time they buy airline tickets and pay for a hotel room, “nothing” is about all they can do with the money they have left.

Alibaba CEO Jack Ma says in 30 years people will work 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. Which is really about what they do now if you take away the time at work they spend posting on Facebook, tweeting on Twitter and looking at Internet porn.

A study says olive oil can preserve people’s memory. Which doesn’t explain why Popeye didn’t call her the next morning.

Denmark has been named the best place to live on the planet. Mostly because people there are full of appreciation and happiness when the three days arrive each year where the temperature makes it to 70 degrees.

A report says adjustable rate mortgages are making a comeback. Apparently the banking industry feels that they can get away with something that caused the housing crash ten years ago because Americans can’t even remember how badly they screw things up every four years.

A report says adjustable rate mortgages are making a comeback. Even the banking industry realizes what they are doing as the logo for the loan program is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown.

A study says breast implants may block tests showing heart attack symptoms in women. Which is different than the heart attack symptoms breast implants cause in men when they are size D or larger.

A study says opioids are given to 1 in 4 Medicaid patients. The other 3 are satisfied with being given morphine, methamphetamines or tranquilizers.

A study says opioids are given to 1 in 4 Medicaid patients. Which is fewer than the 3 in 4 patients with private insurance who need pain killers just for when they open their monthly premium statement.

A report says the murder rate has spiked in Mexico with May being the deadliest month in a decade. Even Chicago is telling the people there they need to relax a little.

The King of Saudi Arabia has reshuffled the line of succession, making his son the next in line to the throne. To which Donald Trump says “You can do that?”

Liquor makers are marketing alcohol brands as “experiences.” The only problem is that the experiences most people associate with alcohol are hangovers, waking up with a complete stranger and DUIs.

Uber CEO Travis Kalanick has resigned his position under pressure from investors. Now if he wants to verbally abuse one of the company’s drivers, he will have to pay for it like everyone else.

Uber CEO Travis Kalanick has resigned his position under pressure from investors. His next move is still a mystery but one clue to his plans is that he just bought himself a brand new Prius.

A survey says incivility is so intense in the U.S. that Americans feel safest when they are at work. Mostly because that is the place where they have always had the feeling of hating each other.

A study says that Americans take on an average debt of $1,100 with their yearly vacation. Which is ironic since the point of most vacations is to give people a chance to forget how deep they are in the red.

A study says that Americans take on an average debt of $1,100 with their yearly vacation. Which is even worse when they plan a trip to Las Vegas so they can have a chance at winning it all back.

A survey says Google Fiber is the best Internet service in the U.S. Although the results are being questioned as researchers got their data by googling it.

A survey says Google Fiber is the best Internet service in the U.S. Which means that if the survey participants were men, it was based on how many porn sites could be accessed the fastest.

J.D. Power has ranked Kia as the highest quality car for 2017. Apparently they won based on the fact that the car just seems to keep going with no problems no matter how hard you pedal.

J.D. Power has ranked Kia as the highest quality car for 2017 based on the fewest customer complaints. Apparently the car is dependable, durable and when it comes to problems most owners say “Eh. It’s a Kia.”

Home Depot and Menards are facing lawsuits over selling 4x4 lumber that is actually 3 ½ x 3 ½. Which is just so like men to be exaggerating the size of their wood.

A survey says 62% of Americans identify themselves as middle class, which is back to pre-recession levels. The other 38% of Americans are still saying “The recession ended?”

A survey says 62% of Americans identify themselves as middle class, which is back to pre-recession levels. Those people are actually now in the lower class but feel good that they are at least doing better than the other 38% who are flat broke.

A report says top health care groups were not consulted by Republicans for their health care bill. Mostly because the new health care plan will only be bringing in more business to funeral directors, morticians and grave diggers.

An EU court says vaccines can be blamed for illnesses even if there is no scientific evidence. But it helps if any plaintiffs bring along their Medicine Man, Shaman or Witch Doctor.

An EU court says vaccines can be blamed for illnesses even if there is no scientific evidence. The good news is if any of the judges retire, they have a standing job offer from Donald Trump to work for the EPA.

Experts say too much texting could cause wrist problems. Especially for the people who combine it with using touch screens, video games and constantly eating snack foods.

Experts say too much texting could cause wrist problems. Especially when combined with the force on their hands from holding too tightly to the steering wheel when they crash into a tree because they were texting while driving.

A study says older dads produce geeky sons. Although it helps them bond better when they both stand on the porch yelling at the other kids to get off their lawn.

A “Downton Abbey” movie is reportedly going into production next year. The biggest action scene is the flare up caused when an irate scowl is delivered at a soiree carouser who doesn’t properly raise their pinky at afternoon tea.

A report says contestants on “Bachelor in Paradise” must sign a contract saying the show is not responsible if they are injured, suffer emotional trauma or are filmed while naked. And that’s just what they can expect during the first episode.

A report says contestants on “Bachelor in Paradise” must sign a contract saying the show is not responsible if they are injured, suffer emotional trauma or are filmed while naked. Which are otherwise known as the show’s plot lines.

A couple from Ecuador claims they have lived on almost no food for nine years. Which caused almost as much shock around the world as the news that an Alabama couple went without a full meal for nearly three hours.

A couple from Ecuador claims they have lived on almost no food for nine years. The couple’s secret is simple, saying “Have you ever eaten at an Ecuadorian restaurant?”

A couple from Ecuador claims they have lived without eating food for nine years, saying they live on just air. Which is easy when they travel to Mexico City, Los Angeles and Beijing where the air is always “chewy and somewhat filling.”

Prince Philip was hospitalized for an illness caused by a “preexisting condition.” At age 96 in England, that could range from scurvy to smallpox to the Plague.

Prince Philip was hospitalized for an illness caused by a “preexisting condition.” Which at age 96 is pretty much called being 96.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have hired a surrogate to carry their third child. Apparently the couple wants another child but Kim Kardashian says why go to all that trouble when it’s so much easier to just outsource.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have hired a surrogate to carry their third child. Apparently Kim Kardashian just doesn’t have time to carry a third child while she is busy making sure she has enough nannies to take care of the other two.

Syracuse basketball coach Jim Boeheim says he doesn’t believe Rick Pitino knew about the escort scandal at Louisville while it was going on. And Joe Paterno just thought Jerry Sandusky had the kids in the showers to teach them proper hygiene.

Michael Vick’s father has been charged with dealing heroin and money laundering. Some dads will do whatever it takes to make their kids look better by comparison.

The Foo Fighters will release a new album In September called “Concrete and Gold.” Which sounds more like the name of a residency they are thinking about signing up for in Las Vegas.

A U.S. official says Russia “hacked” 21 states during last year’s election campaign. They didn’t need to mess with the other 29 figuring who needs to interfere with an election when there are millions of uninformed voters who can do it for you?

A survey says 60% of Americans prefer to watch TV and movies in bed rather than on the couch. Mostly because the couch is reserved for the other activities of the day like playing video games, meals and napping.

Etsy is planning to cut 15% of its workforce. Which is sad news for the workers who will find it tough going to get new jobs knitting booties, making artificial flowers and engraving personal wood picture frames.

Etsy is planning to cut 15% of its workforce. Mostly the people who just don’t have the patience to sit through a 45 minute phone session with an 80 year old trying to order a silver knot bracelet.

A study says how people move a computer mouse while answering questions can reveal if they are lying. Especially when they are using the mouse to help complete their dating profile on Tinder.

Donald Trump admits he is not making it easy to get support from Democrats. That’s true, but looking at his popularity numbers it’s not any easier getting support from the Republicans, Independents, Libertarians, Progressives, Socialists, Whigs…

Donald Trump says that immigrants should be banned from getting welfare for five years after they enter the country. After they reach that point he feels the ban should then become permanent.

Donald Trump says that immigrants should be banned from getting welfare for five years after they enter the country. He feels why should we give our money to people from outside the country when his policies are making it so necessary for Americans right here at home to need public assistance.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Today is the first full day of the summer season. Which is not a big deal since the season actually now starts in mid-March and goes through November because of global warming. I love the warm weather, but nothing is as good when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Amazon is launching its own fashion service allowing people to try clothes for a week before buying. How can they go wrong by combining the clothing style of Wal-Mart along with all the glamour of a Home Depot?

Amazon is launching a “try before you buy” clothing line where people can wear items for a week before deciding to buy. Which will be nice to have a closet full of clothes worn out by the hundreds of perfect strangers who already sent them back.

The special congressional election in Georgia was the most expensive House race in history at more than $50 Million. Even the top lobbyists in the country were shocked at the price, knowing they can buy any representative for a fraction of that.

Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner says the state is becoming a “banana republic.” To which Donald Trump says if everything goes right, the other 49 should also be there in a matter of months.

Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner says the state is in a financial crisis and not even the lottery is safe. Which is sad as the state legislature’s plan to become solvent again is based on winning the Powerball jackpot the next three weeks in a row.

Boeing is reportedly working on self-flying planes. Which would be great for United Airlines as it would free up the pilots to help airport police officers when they drag passengers off any planes.

The studio behind “Bachelor in Paradise” has concluded there was no sexual misconduct on the set. Mostly because everyone involved with the show has no idea what sexual misconduct is in the first place.

The studio behind “Bachelor in Paradise” has concluded there was no sexual misconduct on the set. Mostly because anything that was inappropriate will be justified anyway by all the publicity the show is getting.

The studio behind “Bachelor in Paradise” has concluded there was no sexual misconduct on the set. Which by Hollywood standards pretty much means everything is fine as long as nobody died.

A survey says 24% of all Americans don’t have a single dollar set aside for an emergency. The other 76% say they have exactly one dollar set aside in case of an emergency.

Thousands of people flocked to Stonehenge for the Summer Solstice on Wednesday. Mostly so they could take part in a celebration with others and enjoy the ten minutes of summer weather they get each year in England.

The U.S. is weighing a travel ban for North Korea following the death of an American student. Which could turn out to be a real inconvenience for Dennis Rodman and the other two people who even think it’s a good idea to go there.

Burglars got away with $30,000 in gems from a museum in New Jersey, leaving behind damage and bloodstains. Which now gives a whole new meaning to the term “blood diamonds.”

A report says a record number of people around the world were displaced from their homes in 2016. No one had any idea that other countries were picking up on the idea of using subprime loans.

The government in India is being criticized for telling pregnant women to avoid meat, eggs and lusty thoughts. The first two were confusing but they might be a little bit late when it comes to the lusty thoughts.

Burger King is serving Lucky Charms milkshakes made with ice cream, syrup, marshmallows and Lucky Charms cereal. The shake may bring the customer luck, but it is also a good idea to not take chances and make sure to be sitting by the nearest defibrillator.

Burger King is serving Lucky Charms milkshakes made with ice cream, syrup, marshmallows and Lucky Charms cereal. The worst part is the shake is healthier than just eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.

The Uber app now accepts tips. However, insulting, arguing with and beating the drivers must still be done by customers in person.

A 79 year old New Jersey doctor has been sentenced to three years in prison for his role in a $200 Million fraud scheme. Ironically, he would have been fine if he would have just accepted older patients and become part of the $595 Billion fraud scheme called Medicare.

House Speaker Paul Ryan vows a once-in-a-generation makeover of the tax code. Mostly because the Republican economic plan will make it so the next several generations will not have an income to pay taxes on.

Qatar Airlines has been picked by Skytrax as the best airline in the world. Apparently business travelers were very satisfied with the schedule, fares and being served inflight by 72 virgins.

Qatar Airlines has been picked by Skytrax as the best airline in the world. Especially for the people who love using the airline because it takes them out of Qatar.

Qatar Airlines has been picked by Skytrax as the best airline in the world. Although most travelers are not as picky, citing the best airline as any one that gets them where they are going that isn’t United.

Phil Mickelson and his caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay have parted ways after 25 years. Apparently Mickelson found out his caddy’s nickname came from having too many skeletons in the closet.

Phil Mickelson and his caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay have parted ways after 25 years. Mostly because the last thing someone with psoriatic arthritis wants to keep having to say all day is the word “Bones.”

Phil Mickelson and his caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay have parted ways after 25 years. The worst part is that if Mackay picks up a right handed golfer he will have to completely relearn calling a left to right shot a “fade” and right to left a “draw.”

Phil Mickelson and his caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay have parted ways after 25 years. Apparently Mickelson caught Mackay with a set of right handed clubs and accused him of cheating on him.

A report says L.A. County has the most clean energy jobs in California. Which make clean energy products which are apparently used just about everywhere but Los Angeles.

Human resources software startup Zenefits has been hit with a $3.4 Million bill for failing to pay overtime to its workers. Which can’t be good for business for an HR company that has an HR department that doesn’t understand HR.

A study says Facebook and Twitter bots are influencing politics. Mostly because even malware bots are more trustworthy anymore than politicians or journalists.

Lawmakers in Vermont will try again to pass a measure legalizing marijuana. Mostly just to give people there a reason to want to stay in Vermont.

Several colleges are awarding e-sports scholarships for kids who excel in video games. It used to be assumed that a 350 pound student athlete was a football lineman instead of getting that way from sitting on a couch with a PlayStation 4 console and a bag of Doritos.

Barclay’s former CEO has been charged with fraud over a rescue deal made with Qatar during the 2008 economic meltdown. He should have made his fraudulent deals instead in the U.S. where everyone else so far has gotten away with it.

A Pennsylvania hospital has a fresh food pharmacy that prescribes food instead of pills. Which is ironic as most the people in the hospital got there because of their morbid obesity.

Sean Spicer says Donald Trump wants a health care bill “with heart.” Unfortunately, while the plan will have heart, it doesn’t cover the lungs, kidneys, liver, spleen or digestive tract.

Senate Democrats are trying to gum up the works over the Republican health care bill. And if anyone can gum up health care, it’s the party that was able to pass Obamacare.

Daniel Day-Lewis is reportedly going to retire from acting. How messed up is Hollywood when we lose a three time Oscar winner but still have Tom Cruise making yet another remake of “The Mummy”?

Demi Lovato says if she could do it all over again, she wouldn’t have started acting at 8 years old. If only she had heard that advice from the 750 other screwed up child stars who have been saying that since 1937.

Mattel’s Ken has gotten a makeover that includes options like a man bun along with different skin tones and body types. In other words, they have removed any doubts that people still may have had about the doll’s sexual orientation.

Umpire Joe West has worked his 5,000th career game. Not to say he has been around a while, but when he started behind the plate Jamie Moyer was still middle aged.

Umpire Joe West has worked his 5,000th career game. To mark the milestone, the Hall of Fame has already asked for his white cane and sunglasses.

A report says 5 Billion people worldwide use mobile devices. Which at least is good news in that there are still 2 Billion people left on the planet who actually know how to talk face to face with another person.

Netflix is launching interactive TV shows that allow kids to determine the on-screen action. Which is good news in that our kids will finally get some kind of physical activity pushing another kind of button besides the ones on the remote.

A Google study says Virtual Reality viewers barely turn their heads to view the full 360 degree experience. Apparently that is just too much work for people who are asking if there is a way to make a couch that can rotate all the way around.

Experts in machine learning say it will be 120 years before all human jobs are automated. Which works out fine as it will take another 120 years before most workers today will have enough saved up to give up their job and retire.

Apple is offering Apple Camp at Apple Stores. Apparently it allows children to use Virtual Reality to see what it used to be like when kids went to real camps that actually had trees, lakes and blue skies.

Chris Christie on his 15% approval rating as New Jersey Governor says “I don’t care.” Which may be the reason why his approval ratings are down to 15%.

Chris Christie on his 15% approval rating as New Jersey Governor says “I don’t care.” Mostly because the way things are going, in another year they will look good compared to those of Donald Trump.

Chris Christie on his 15% approval rating as New Jersey Governor says “I don’t care.” Mostly because anyone who can make 15% of the people of New Jersey think things are good has to be doing something right.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions has hired his own private lawyer over the investigations of collusion with Russia. How bad is it with this administration when even the nation’s top attorney has to lawyer up?

A poll says 7 out of 10 Americans trust the U.S. government to protect against terrorists. The other three are worried about who is going to protect us against the U.S. government?

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Another day of hilarity and hijinks. As opposed to my usual lowjinks. I just want to say I love to get feedback from you and don’t always get the chance to read your comments. Feel free to e-mail me with any comments, complaints and compliments. Except complaints. Send them to jimbarach@hotmail.com and I will make sure to read them and reply. Always good to hear from you readers whom I am trying to entertain. Or at least keep busy for a few minutes. It’s good to know what you are thinking about what I do. My biggest reward, though is still when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!